Well...

What am I to do? ...

There are sad things about my life that I know are too petty to dwell on. For example, I have never met a guy (or dated one) who says nice things to me, and makes me feel good about myself. I hadn't ever met one, at least...

Until about a week ago I never thought one existed... and now that I know one, I'm terrified. My past creeps into every thought and spoils it. My mind takes "this is too good to be true" and adds "so, it probably isn't." .... uhg.

I can try and try to convince myself I wouldn't care either way - like I've always done... but I would care. I do care.

The feelings are so mixed up that no amount of typing right now will be able to sort them out, but at least it helps me take some edge off...


Amazing and wonderful, and complicated and awful... It's just a big contradiction.