"this is what dreams are made of..."

I am personally, not a huge fan of dreaming... unless of course it's a dream about a Pie auction in which I am a millionaire, or better yet, a billionaire.

I think it's because my dreams always amplify my negative, insecure, and down emotions to an 11 (watch spinal tap). It's never like I fall asleep and have a really good dream that kick starts my day and pushes me to take those first steps out of bed no convincing needed... No, it's never that way.

My dreams are always the type where I wake up horrified, sad, mad, confused... and so on.

You're in a dark hallway with no doors or windows, it's dimly lit but the lights flicker oninously. The wall paper is warped and peeling and it's the color of sadness, an empty grayish that used to be a color of expression which now sits neglected and faded collecting dust and losing purpose. It's the color of loneliness, the only description you can pull from it because that's what you are, in the hallway, and you want something to relate to. And alone you stand there. You can't see far enough one way or the other to see where the hallway might lead and there no clues as to how you got there, or which way to get out. You feel a bone chilling draft go through, though it isn't particularly cold it just shakes you to your core - maybe there isn't a way out, but if you don't look you will never know... but you don't know which way to go... you don't know what lies awaiting you in either direction, you can't even discern where the draft originated... you wander one way, hoping to fine some sign of something and you only stumble upon more nothing. you head the other way again because maybe you made the wrong choice... perpetual nothingness. you can't remember where you started from and vertigo sets in... and then you wake up... having never felt more lost and alone with nowhere to go even though you were just in a hallway... and now your room is dark, your house is quiet, and it's empty. but the kind of quiet that your house is, is the sound of loneliness. It's loud resounding silence that drowns out everything and nothing... and you feel the same as you did in the hallway, because there isn't anything to pull your mind away from there. and you are alone.

.............

now I will go to sleep, and cross my fingers in hopes that I just sleep...